2020 is finally coming to an end in six hours and I couldn’t be more excited. It’s been a year I’ll never forget. If I look back on New Years Eve of 2019, I would have been saying 2020 was going to be my year. I definately was wrong on that one. My last post explained most of my year at a glance but not the unemployment life.

Unemployment life started the beginning of October. Too be honest, the first two months was one of the roughest times I’ve had in my life in a very long time, maybe as long back as high school. I went into a pretty dark place that I don’t wish anyone should have to experience it. Eating was barely a thing and sleeping well that wasn’t even a thought to me. Not sleeping is actually a story for a different time though, it just got a lot worse. Deep down, I know I was not alone in the situation I was put in. Millions of people around the world were in the same situation but doesn’t change the fact of how it effects a persons wellbeing. I felt worthless, unsuccessful, a failure and all because of not being able to keep my job in a pandemic. In a large company, I wasn’t one of the key people they were able to keep. I’ve never experienced this before as I’ve never worked for a large company before. Basically my whole life, I’ve worked for “mom and pa” places that have a whole different meaning of loyalty and building relationships.

Everyday I wanted to get up and be motivated and not waste my life. I couldn’t bring myself to do that, instead I knew how to hide under blankets and hide behind my tears. Some days, I was great at hiding it though. I felt depressed and angry at the world over everything. The odd day, I’d have a slight bit of energy and motivation to either do something I haven’t done in a really long time or try something new. The first time I played my keyboard and guitar again, I felt something different like a weight lifted off my shoulder. I forced myself into the cold garage every once in awhile and jumped right in to using the power tools to attempt something new. Days went by and I ordered Macrame material and made my sister my first project ever with it. Weeks went by and soon Christmas came. I was excited my fiance and I got to put up our first tree together ever. Christmas was different though this year and wasn’t the same joy like I usually have for it. First time in 34 years, I did not spend it with my immediate family. I’ve traveled to 30 countries and have lived in multiple places and have never missed a Christmas with my family. Yes, I got to spend it with my fiance in our new home but both of us not being a 100% healthy and virtual videos ddin’t quite do the trick. We also lost a family friend as well that I truly will miss seeing every summer.

Something happened after Christmas and to be honest I don’t exactly know what it was to cause the change. Maybe like everyone and every year, it’s the New Years Resolutions coming up which would normally start tomorrow. I still have my bad days but I’ve finally found motivation to do great things with the time I have being unemployed. Personal development is going to be huge for the new year and not just a resolution that in a week will be forgotton. This is here to stay and for the long term. I’ve applied for so many full time jobs not in my career but just anything to get me back out there but I know deep down now, I’m one of hundreds looking for the same thing. I woke up one day and decided that I will continue to look and apply every day but the new year is going to be spent on me either way. Bring on the healthy and creative “ME” that I forgot there was. It’s time to fully use the “left handed” side of me again. If you don’t know what I mean by that, look it up but lefties tend to be very creative indivduals. So here we go, going forward in 2021 I’ll be dedicating my time to playing music again, learning new skills such as wood working and marcame. Woodworking is a challenge but I’ve completed some smaller projects already and I’ll continue to struggle through the new ones I’m working on. I’m also working on something big that hopefully will change my life. Of course on the side, I’m still using my Banquet Manager and Event Planning skills to plan my “local” wedding now that our second wedding was canceled due to COVID.

If It wasn’t for my family and my fiance putting up with me the last couple months, I’m not sure where I’d be. I apologize for the many unpleasant days they dealt with but I’m very lucky to have them in my life. I want to know a few things from everyone: 1) What is everyone’s best and worst moments of 2020? 2) What is your New Year’s Resolution? Your not getting off that easy. In a months time, I want to hear that you are still doing your resolution. 3) What is your biggest dream for 2021?

Yes it might take 2021 along time to come around but I believe it’s going to happen. I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year. I’m sitting here by myself on New Years Eve as my fiance is working and restrictions are the way they are. I’m still going to enjoy a glass of wine to celebrate a new me and new year coming. I know I’ll be getting married in 2021 no matter what COVID brings though. That’s something to look forward too. Stay safe tonight everyone and enjoy the company that you do have for the night even if it is your one household companion.